No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
