i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
