there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
