I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
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My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
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My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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