wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
