dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
She made me pour olive oil on her.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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