We're like a lot better than the average bears
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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