When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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