No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
