I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
