How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
