I'm so fucking centered right now
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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