the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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