I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I have feelings that need drinking.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
