I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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