He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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