margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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