I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
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It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
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I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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