So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
