Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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