I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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