I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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