I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
