my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
