when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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