Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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