We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
you made out with another girl for some wings
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
