I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
how does that bad decision feel?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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