just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
