have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
