I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize