You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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