Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
