I can't watch pbs sober anymore
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
