i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
