You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
