i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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