so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
