It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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