I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
