I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
