we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i drank out of a bidet.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize