Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Michael Bay diarrhea
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
