Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
