She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
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Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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