so that wasnt chicken after all
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
