Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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