Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I hate all girls vehemently.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
