it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
