I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
