The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Four minutes until I can fart!
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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