I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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