I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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