And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
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I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
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Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize