Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
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can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
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I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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