my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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