:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
