I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you will always have a special place in my vag
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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