he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize