i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
